So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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