i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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