I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she told me i tasted like america
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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