Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
