today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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