I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
