I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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