12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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