My nipple is on Facebook.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
