I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
