And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
