Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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