Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
