What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
