Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
