She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
