A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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