Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Randomize
