Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
