I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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