You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
