did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
