I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
