no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
