somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
