She said her name was "party"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
