I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
