i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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