Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Are my feet made of real feet?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
