I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
