Have you finally orgasmed yet?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
