had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
how drunk are you?
Several
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
