I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
