I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
