I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
