she was so not down for the gang bang
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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