I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
