there's paper in my vomit.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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