Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
