i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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