getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
