Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
