you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
