He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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