If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
