Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
