Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
