What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
