i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just want nice things and good sex
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
