I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm like, not good at living.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
