your thong is hanging out like whoa
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
